The Big Ten: Why We Suck

I worked very diligently on crafting a title for this this article but ultimately, this was the one thing that kept coming around. Our fall from grace as a dominant NCAA Division I power conference has been fast and painful. The fall has been different for every team in the conference. Like most conferences we have our less relevant football programs (stupid Northwestern so concerned with actually GRADUATING players) but the fact remains that, in the past, when our power teams came to play your school, it was time to break out the Icy Hot because a severe beating was nothing short of imminent.

Oh how the mighty have fallen.

Where do we currently stand? Iowa players are telling their own fans to be quiet. Minnestota forgot there were more than 4 games in the season. Wisconsin did too. Michigan decided to field their understudy ballet students instead of actual football players. Both Penn State and Ohio State had the unfortunate mishap of checking their talent on the airplane to L.A. rather than carrying it on and somehow it wound up on a plane headed for Pewee Valley, Kentucky. Oh, and Ohio State can’t seem to beat the SEC even if the referees would let them bring crowbars on the field. I mean, in what sane world does tOSU go nearly undefeated on the season only to have the entire college football world question, not whether they should go to the National Championship or not, but whether they even deserve to be CONSIDERED?!

No doubt we’ve all thought and thought about this and I would imagine you’ve come to the same redundant conclusion that I have: We suck because we suck. No doubt we’ve all read that iron sharpens iron. That’s what we used to be for each other. The Michigan-Ohio State game was such a vehement battle to the death, that any competitor after was like playing in a pick up game at the park on Sunday afternoon. The rivalries so legendary that watching the game for the 5th, 6th or 95th time still gets you on the edge of your seat and out of your chair. Now the rivalries are harder fought in the stands and after the game than they are on the field. We’re just not good enough to make each other better anymore.

One of the problems is that the decline happened for all of the teams at a quick pace simultaneously. The conference has not adapted to a more modern style of football, one that relies somewhat less on braun and more on strategy and speed. This is made evident when we play schools like USC who have more strategy than 70% of the NFL teams out there. When we play the SEC, they run away like we’re standing still because, regardless of the attempts we’ve made as a conference of teams to get out of our concrete boots and into the new style of warfare, we just haven’t caught up. They’re shooting smart bombs and laser guided missle systems while we’re reloading our muskets with paper patch bullets and screaming hateful chants in olde english. We just aren’t that relevant outside of our own conference. People look at us like that fighter going into the ring when he should have retired. Yeah, they respect his history and the amazing things he’s done, but they’re not afraid of him anymore. They’re not afraid of us anymore.

In the end, our games are still hard fought battles in the trenches. Our sense of tradition and honor is greater than anyone else’s. We hate each other but we hate them more.

I, for one, am tired of this. I’m ready to read a USC writer talk about how Michigan or Ohio State is more than likely going to ruin Pete Carroll’s season. I’m ready to be confident in saying that no matter who goes into the national championship game against us, the Big Ten will ride out of town with a tan and a crystal football. Every other conference should be complaining and making excuses about why we slaughter them year in and year out. It’s time for this trend to stop and it has to stop quickly.

We are the greatest conference in the NCAA. It’s time to remind everyone else of that fact.